It's the day after Thanksgiving and I'm not sure how I'm feeling. Luckily, I can say that I don't feel particularly irritated or exasperated, which is usually how I am feeling one day after Thanksgiving.
It's always the same...you get together with your family (that you really do love despite all the crap) and you eat too much and expect people to be right where you last left them. The problem is that folks don't usually stay in the box you put them in. They are prone to wandering around and going on with their lives. This comes as quite a shock when the two come crashing together next, because the wandering calls for an adjustment and the realization that we can't always have our way and the only person we truly have control over is ourselves- NO ONE ELSE (this can be quite uncomfortable and unnerving).
I believe the best thing to do when you get together with family is to practice the art of saying "I'm sorry" early and often (when we are wrong). It makes resolution a whole lot easier and takes the wind out of the sails of so many that would choose to argue a point beyond death. What else is there to argue about after one has apologized? Just apologize and get the hell out of there as fast as you can.
In looking over the past - what 2 days? Unbelievable...I have been baited more than once and took the bait while simultaneously losing sight of the bottom line (to my shame). It really irritates me when people don't seem to "get it." But then again, "getting it" is really relative, isn't it? We say other people don't get it because they don't see things our way. That's how the arguement started.
Then you end up all pissed off and mad at the world. You say things like: "I should just get my shit together and go home." or "What the fuck just happened?" or "Why am I always the one left doing this, can't you do it for a change?" It really gets old after a time and then you want to just scream at the top of your lungs. Only screaming doesn't really get you anywhere. It's not really all that productive and it impedes progress. The only way the act of screaming can be justified is if there is some sort of plan or productive action attached to the scream. Otherwise you're just wasting your time.
So, I'm sitting here at my mother's kitchen table, deciding not to scream because I feel too overwhelmed to do so. There are about 4 major things that need to be done and I don't feel like doing any of them. But I press on because, well...that bottom line compels me to. I really hate it when people don't do their fair share and just weasel out of everything. Life's so convenient for them.
Abraham would say I need to pivot and reach for a better feeling, feeling. That I should focus on what I want. What I want is to have Samantha Stevens pop by and take care of those 4 major things that need to be done. Than I'd like to take a rreal vacation to someplace nice, see something new instead of coming home to the same shit every holiday. To be quite honest, after the initial hugs and kisses, there's really nothing to look forward to. No new traditions are started, no one has a desire to do anything different and ultimately, I'm left wanting during the holidays. God...I sincerely hope Christmas is different.
Be Well
