All things to all people...

Did you know that striving to be all things to all people is a mistake? You'll only wear yourself out. It's better that you try to be a thing or two to a couple few people. For instance, if you're the baby of the family, you can be the baby sister, the wee one and Mama's baby- to your Mother and your siblings. If you're smart and efficient you can be the "go to" person for questions of just about any nature. If you're wise you can be the person everybody goes to for support and good, sound advice. And on and on. I think you get the point.

Truth be told- you're not being a "thing or two" as much as you are being labled by others then simply slipping into the role. The story goes that we act and respond according to the way people treat us. Ok, so I suppose in the above examples one would more or less be acting "in kind"- based upon how they were treated. The baby assumes the role of baby. The brainiac assumes the role of know it all (so to speak). And the all powerful, wise one assumes the role of sage.


These are all well and good roles to assume. But what I'm talking about falls into a different category. I'm speaking more about trying to please one hundred different people while simultaneously making sure all one hundred don't collide. What I'm talking about is everybody else feeling just fine in their emotions (thank you very much) but you're uptight and irritated. The "Others" don't mind an emotional display and will have theirs at your expense. But you- why you are not afforded as much.


The old saying : "You can't win for losing." comes to mind. You feel me? These days I'm learning that each moment that I live I need to strive to learn how to let go, to own myself and my thoughts and feelings. Is this selfish? Maybe. Do I care? Hmmm..not as much as I used to. The common denominator in the above types of situations is this: Uhhh...pay attention now, I'm about to drop some knowledge on ya: Everybody else is fine and getting their needs met. You're the dumb ass that's feeling short changed.


Did you get that? Yep. It's true. All you have to do is stop for a minute and take a good long look at the people around you. Not the person passing by. Come in a bit closer. Riiiiiiiiight. The person that expects too much. The person that hurt your feelings a couple of days ago. The person that you always seem to clash with but you can't seem to tear yourself from. THOSE are the people I want you to focus on. Okay so, you're feeling all hurt and upset. Hot and bothered. How are they faring? Do they seem to be the least bit concerned about you and your wellbeing?



Insert a resounding NO! here -> (NO)

They couldn't care less. You see, they have no worries because everything is in check for them. Their needs are being sufficiently met at your expense. And you know that shit ain't right. Cut to the present... So I ask myself, "How can I call myself rich when I allow myself to be short changed?" Being rich and short changed at the same time is an oxymoron is it not? This situation can no longer be allowed. I'm calling a moritorium on all bullshit related to the aforementioned topic.



You know what? The fact of the matter is this: on a cellular level (oh yeah babe, I'm going there) I just don't want to deal with the vibrational frequency of this twistedness. An old coworker of mine once asked: "Why can't people just be people?" That's a pretty deep question if you really analyze it. Why can't people just be people and stop trying to shape the person closest in proximity to them into the perfect little "whatever".



Uhhh? On the other side of that coin should be the resistance to their affront - you. Ahh... if only you had the guts to stand up and be counted. God- to say they things you think. That would certainly clear your path of dandelions and an assorted sundry of weeds. Right. I understand. You will, just not now. Be wise, just don't wear yourself thin and stop doubling as a doormat for underserving peeps. They don't do that to whatchamacallit and there's barely any difference between you and them. So WTF?


You are one person. You have one life. Your thoughts are your own. You are an individual and your thoughts matter a great deal. Your needs and desires matter. You have to remember to tell yourself that. But you have to believe it in order for it to be your truth.


I have to admit that it's very hard to settle into this new role of "Hey you- I don't give a shit." without coming off like a real, genuine, 100% Bitch. I prefer "High- Riding Bitch myself (as described by Vera in Delores Claiborne). But give yourself some time ( I will take my own advice). You might be an old dog but you are capable of learning at least one new trick.

For your own sake and the sake of your psyche- stop trying to be all things to all people and just be someone to yourself. You'll have a lot more to give in the long run. And you'll be a lot more successful at it.

Be Well...

A Wine and Jazz Festival on the fly...

I got up at a decent time Sunday morning. The plan was to clean my room and tackle the laundry in the corner doubling as Mt. Everest and maybe pay a few bills online. That was the goal. At least that was the goal until I received a call from a girlfriend regarding the Wine and Jazz Festival in Manassas.


Say what?? You mean to tell me that for a mere $20.00 I could sample wines from across VA, enjoy some absolutely fabo weather, be in good company, sample wares being hocked by various vendors and listen to Marcus Johnson play live? I was so there and only too happy to leave my room in disarray. Fresh linen for the bed could wait. I pulled my new frock from the recesses of my closet (or was it the top of Mt. Everest?) and hopped in the shower. Oh, I ate and did a few other things before hopping in the shower but all told 2 hours had passed by the time I reached my girlfriends place.


I was looking and feeling flirty and too cute. And- no slip either. I suppose you would have had to be there for the "slip" conversation; so allow me a few seconds to explain: I have this thing about slips, in that I absolutely hate to wear them because they are too freaking hot. But, I feel bound by the "female, don't be nasty code" that I have to wear them. I'm not sure, but there's something about the sun shining through the thin material of your dress and the silhouette of your body showing and you have to be modest, blah, blah, blah. The pressure to conform and be a good girl is truly deep seated wouldn't you say?


AnyHOO... my girlfriend advised me to "get with the program" because nobody actually wears a slip anymore. So, I threw caution to the wind and allowed that wind to whip right up my dress and around my legs. It was pure bliss... I was also pleasantly surprised to find that she was right. There were several women allowing that same wind to whip up their dresses too. I was in good company.


My girlfriend had the perfect set of lounging chairs and two very feminine shawls for us to wear. I chose the light pink one because it matched my new "frock". We threw the chairs in the back seat of her car (I agreed to drive to her place and she agreed to drive to the festival) and we were off. On the way we talked about men and clothes and speed dating (flashback to a day or two ago).


The square was packed with peeps on the lawn and many standing in clumps under the main pavillion sampling wines and buying wines and generally enjoying themselves. God, the weather was incredible and I was soaking it all in. It was good to be out for a change. We did a once around, checking out the vendors on the outer perimeter of the pavillion, then made our way inward to sample the wines. There we were... wine snobs, wine novices and posers who wouldn't know a Rose' from a bottle of cheap Boonesfarm, all bunched together, hoping for more than just that little taste that they give you.


Don't be fooled. A girl can get her buzz on at a tasting. Because before you know it, she will find herself increasingly frustated by the sips they dole out. This "frustration" is most assuredly followed by the "purchase" of a bottle of wine she found appealing somewhere along her tasting travels. And the rest is, shall we say, wine festival history.


This girl settled on 3 bottles of Rkatsiteli from Horton Cellars in Orange, County, VA. Then mozied over to their competition The Peaks of Otter Winery. The Peaks had every sweet wine known to man. The wines were tasty and fun but I couldn't help thinking that the Gallo's, Mondavi's and Turning Leaves would not be amused by all their mixes and infusions of chili peppers, chocolate and mangoes. My girlfriend found these wines especially appealing (she doesn't really drink wine).



Did I mention that the weather was PERFECT? Well, here it goes again...the weather was freakin' PERFECT. By the time Marcus Johnson started his second set- we had picked up burgers from Foster's Grill (I'll forego the bug story) and were sitting pretty, enjoying the atmosphere.



Then Marcus told the crowd that he wanted to be close to us and invited peeps to come to the front. My girlfried and I looked at each other, picked up our chairs and headed for the front. We were 10 feet away from him and although I'm not a real fan I enjoyed the show immensely. We even took pix with him afterwards. He's a real cutie. As the festival wound down, we took another turn and I landed at a jewelry vendor where I bought the gawdiest, most beautiful, yellow & gold flower ring EVER! I can't wait to build a new outfit around it dah-ling!!! (smile).

And so it goes... and here comes the philosophical part: In the midst of all the chaos of your life just keep telling yourself that it's good to get out and that you deserve a break. Treat yourself- don't cheat yourself (Marcos Montalvo once said). And, if you have the chance, be sure to check out a local wine festival in your area. You will have a good time.



Be Well

Thoughts on Speed Dating...

Hmmm...where does one begin? So I ventured out and attended a speed dating event last night. The original layout was supposed to be 15 men and 15 women. The women showed up (true to form) and the men? Well let's just say about 5 guys showed up. Incredible. How are we supposed to meet you if you don't show up?



Let me preface everything I'm about to say by saying that I did have fun. I was with my girls and we kept it on the light side with a few drinks and some happy conversation amongst ourselves. So all was not lost on the evening.



Now, having said that, I don't intend to let the Brothers off the hook as it were. If they took the time to buy a ticket they should have at least shown up. Granted it was Father's Day weekend but today is Father's Day- not yesterday. Okay, so I am willingly acknowledging that the event organizers should have paid closer attention when they set the dates for the event. AnyHOO... Speed Dating reallyis a great concept.



Here's how ours was set up:

We each were given a name tag and a number (our tickets were worth 2 free drinks- which was a nice perk). The women were stationery while the men rotated from table to table. Each participate had a sheet that they would use to record the name of their date and the date's number, along with notes. Dates we were interested in received a check mark. Each "date" lasted a mere 4 minutes so there was no time or space for heavy conversation or bullshit - sweet.



You really can learn a lot about a person in 4 minutes if you ask the right questions and you read between the lines. It's not so much what they say as what they don't say. You look at the face more- the expressions, the eyes and the shape of their nostrils (going weird here I know but stay with me). It's a 4 minute date people! You have to pack it all in. The smile really comes into play if your date is only 4 minutes as well. And even if you feel awkward it only lasts for a brief moment in time and then it's on to the next date. You can only get better at it as the evening progresses.



I'm totally convinced that it takes all kinds and if you buy a box of assorted cookies- your cookies had better not all be the same. You'd want your money back otherwise would you not? Right. The evening ended with no checks on my roster. That just means I didn't really connect with anyone in particular. Maybe the evening would have been different if all the men had shown up. We'll never know. The excuses for why they didn't show up are no longer needed. They are forgiven for the transgression of not appearing in what they may have deemed as court. Maybe next time things will be different.



I did meet someone that I thought would be perfect for someone else I know so, I will play Yenta to their loneliness. Wish me luck- I'd love to be the catalyst for somebody else's happiness. I want for others what I want for myself (That's my new mantra).



All told, I will definitely do this again. It's kind of like making Mac and Cheese from the blue box. Everything's already there for you. All you have to do is add add a few ingredients, some heat and stir.



Be Well

It's just like being tickled...

Have you ever been so in love with someone that you put pen and paper in their hand and asked that they write down everything they wanted you to do (from the sublime to the absurd) vowing to do it?


Has the sex ever been so good after a Friday night that you lie in bed from then till Sunday reveling in the scent of the sheets? You could literally have an orgasm alone- without touching yourself thinking about him and what he did to you. Yeah, that kind of sex. All the while desperately trying to understand what happened to you? Your confident, independent self is nowhere to be found. All that's left is your true essence and questions. Questions that aren't meant to be answered right away. One must not look for the quick answer when dealing with these types of questions.


They are to be pondered and replayed over and over and over again in the head. You are forced to reflect on your current situation and your future. You are forced to go deep within, if only you would let the thing just happen to you. Let the feeling wash over you.


What is it about the human connection that stirs us so? What is it about men that drive us wild and make us jump from proverbial cliffs, towers and bridges? They are so beautiful. And true to form, like moth to flame, we are drawn to them.


We would do anything for our Kings. But a willing subject is just that: subject to the King. It makes you wonder whether they're really looking for their Queen or if they're just confused and caught up in a sea of "ladies in waiting" that are becoming increasingly aggressive and agitated.


Still the feeling of possibly being the one is so intoxicating. It feels so good that it hurts. It's like being tickled and laughing until you cry. The continuum of the emotions is cyclical. You laugh, you cry and then you get angry at the person for tickling you- yelling for them to stop. Then you're right back to laughing again- all from the same action, tickling.


So you have this deep, abiding affection for someone else and then the unthinkable happens. They leave. God. They weren't actually under your control, spell or influence after all. They leave and suddenly you realize that you were one of a pair; that you weren't actually joined at the hip.


You sit for hours, again. Only this time you are trying to make sense of why he left. Trying to make sense of what you might have done, what you might have said to make him leave. A terminal illness has nothing on a broken, anguished heart. At least with a terminal illness you know the hurt will end with flowers and loved ones around. Dealing with a broken heart, you're not sure. The only glaring truth is that you aren't going to physically die from your broken heart but you have to live and wade through all the shit that accompanies it.


Your mind can rattle off 100 reasons not to take him back (if he looks your way again). The list is long and pointed. The mind has no shortage of accusations and justifications for its current state. All the while the heart sits listening, wringing its hands. "I don't remember any of that!" it decries. "Please let him come back. See here? There's plenty of love left in me for him. Please let him come back. I think I'm dying, it's hard to breathe and things are getting dark."


Enter picture of heart sitting in a puddle of blood; it's own blood. You know you want him back but you don't take him back. Why don't we take him back? We don't take his ass back because the shit is just too twisted. Plus it hurts on both ends now.


It hurts to so good thinking of taking him back-meaning you want him back so bad that your insides ache but it also hurts knowing if you do take him back that you are being a fool. So at the risk of having your "Giiiirl, Honey-Chile, Fuck Him" card revoked, you do nothing. There you go being who and what you're expected to be.


Enter picture of you saving face, broken heart in tow. You have no choice now. You cocoon and the process of metamorphosis begins. You become three different people. One of you goes into work, the other cleans up around the house and writes poetry and the third you ponders, cries, plots his demise (and that of the new bitch's) and strategizes.


When it hurts so bad, you are not yourself. You cannot be. And that is okay. Once you cross the burning sands of that kind of hurt and despair and realize you can go no further (the place where residual hurt merely puddles) you have your epiphany. You say to yourself "This hurts really bad but I can't hurt anymore than this. I have reached the end of my emotional spectrum and am on the way around to laughter again."


You see? It's just like being tickled, only you're able to keep things in perspective- reasonably knowing what to expect the next time. Your laughter returns- it has no choice.



Be Well

On being rich...

I have often asked friends, family and coworkers if they would rather be rich or "comfortable". Many have answered that they just want to be comfortable. Hmmm...I know what it means to be rich but what exactly does it mean to be "comfortable"?



There would have to be varying degrees of "comfort" I assume. And a person who has never had more than $50.00 at a time in his or her wallet is bound to think that $5,000.00 makes them rich.



Given the choice- I choose to be rich. I figure if I'm rich then I will be "comfortable". Rich would be the umbrella that comfort takes shelter under. Rich over shadows comfortable the way paper trumps rock.



Rich lets you travel whenever you want to- comfortable will maybe afford you a yearly, family vacation. Rich let's you have a personal assistant to handle business- comfortable does not. When you're rich (if you're not self indulgent) you can help so many people. If you're merely comfortable your primary focus will more than likely be on building yourself up and your family.



Don't get me wrong- the rich should build up family as well and I'm not getting down on the comfortable here. I'm just saying being rich gives you space to do all three.



Rhonda Byrne of "The Secret" says that we need to focus on our thoughts. We should be in a state of gratitude then speak and feel our futures into existence. Okay...Let's give it a whirl:



I am rich.

I can afford anything that I want.

New money is being printed for me right now.

I am not stingy or foolish with my money

I invest my money wisely

I use my money to help my family and closest friends

With the money I have- I can travel and see the world first hand



I want what I want when and how I want it. Being rich and having money will get me there. Some may say that money isn't everything. They are right and will get no arguments from me.

Now what?

Wondering...

I sometimes wonder if things will be different, quicker

quicker than the usual time it take for things to happen fast

that would be pretty good I suppose

there are a number of things I'd like to see get over and done with

like eating ice cream before it melts

and building my savings into a small fortune

traveling the world, meeting new people

and learning how to say "hi" in their native language

that would be swell

and it would happen fast

because I would want it to